But...

Usually when Jesus has to knock sense into me, He slaps me upside the head, but two Sundays ago was different.  The best way to explain it was that Jesus was basically like BAM! Look at that.  All in my face.  To say that I was following Jesus whole heartedly during my first month in a half of being overseas would be a lie.  I struggled, I wondered, and I just didn’t know.  So long story short, I basically just ran.  I wasn’t exactly for sure what I got myself into and I didn’t want Jesus to tell me to do something huge and not want to do it.  So I ran.  Thinking my problems would somehow work out and all my answers would just magically be solved after my overseas experience.  Ha.  My brain.  I started running myself thin, wanting to completely fall into my saviors arms, yet at the same time I just got in a habit of trying to figure it all before I collapse. 

And what do you know I wasn’t able to figure it out and fix life before Jesus got all in my face.  In church we had a guest Australian speaker.   He asked the famous question of what would you do if you were to see God face to face.  I’m not gonna lie I would pee my pants.  Then he talked about our biases and stuff we have about God from the world and that we need to strip all of those ideas.  That we need to just stop and look into our saviors eyes.  Oh Jesus.  So basically during that service Jesus just got in front of me and didn’t allow me to run.  But to see all He has done for me.  Bam.  Look at me tricia, that’s all I ask, to look into my eyes and see my love and mercy.  I couldn’t fight looking into His eyes even if I tried.  Jesus is only patient for so long. 

I hold on to excuses way too much.  And Jesus is tired of it.  

Maybe its just because me and Jesus' relationship has a ton of humor and His cleverness, but when I picture it in my brain, I see myself telling Jesus some excuse as in I can't, don't or won't be able to do something; that He responds with a simple "too bad."