I am a weakling.

So my internship is less than a week away and I think I'm ready. Ha. Well if I had clean laundry, then I would be ready. These last few weeks (really only like a week and a half, it seems like longer) I've done a lot of thinking and meditating. Through this I have realized, that God is truly awesome and that He has great things in store for me this summer and fall. I've also realized that I'm extremely weak, I lie way to much to myself saying that I'm strong. When Jesus was telling me this I really didn't want to hear this, I was like Jesus I want to be strong, make me strong. Being wonderful and always telling me how funny my plans are Jesus was like no and gave me this lovely verse also.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he replied, "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong."

Granted, I wasn't that thrilled when I heard this, I thought to myself oh joy I'm gonna be a big mess this summer. But as I continued to think about it, I realized the beauty that God has in store for me these next 7 months of transformation.  I realized that even if I was a mess all was going to be ok because Jesus would be holding me in his hands. And that His love would be shinning through me as I lean on Him to survive.  Which I feel is more powerful than me saying something to someone.  

So as I am preparing to go out into the world, I have this wonderful peace knowing that all will be ok.

I seriously don't know how people without Jesus survive.

To be honest I'm terrified

So today has been filled with numerous emotions: happy to be done with school, sadness from leaving all my good friends at school and uncomfortablity as my internship and study abroad term approaches.  I know all will work out, I just have no idea what is really going on in my life and I hate it. I'm a control freak and trying to break away from that, but still this feeling of vulnerability and uncomfort isn't pleasant. I want to be a lazy bum at home that doesn’t have to worry about anything.  Ok thats not really true, it would just be a lot easier to do.  And one thing I learned from mission Denver is that it's good to be uncomfortable.  So I’m going to pull up my big girl pants and trust Jesus every step of the way.  Which is how it should be. Everyday.  Jesus sometimes just has to slap me in the face to remind me.
I’m not a fan of the unknown, I like to have my life planned out and know what is going to happen, but that’s not going to happen these next 7 months.  Jesus is like Tricia I’ve got this just don’t worry, everything will be ok if you just trust me.  So this is where the hard part comes in, because I love Jesus as long as I know what’s going on.  I've got to realize that I have no control, believe it or not, and that Jesus has me in his hands and I’m going to be just fine.
I also feel that God is trying to teach me to make him number one in my life and not my friends.  Too many times I have an issue and the first thing I do is talk to my friends, then Jesus.  This will be different these coming 28 weeks though, because I will have to rely on him or at least that is my plan.  To leap out on faith and know my savior is going to be there to catch me.  Which can be intimidating especially if you are clear across the country and really don't know anybody around you.  I know that he will catch me, I just need to learn to jump more and farther.  Maybe I should get a pogo stick?
 I’m going to take each day at a time and before I know it I will be back in all of your guys arms and want to go back.