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So I wanted to write a finishing blog within the first few days I’ve been home, but as you can tell I did a real good job on that.  

I’ve been home a month now. It’s wonderful to be back.  Thailand was great, but home is home. 

No great big reverse culture shock, just the occasional oh yeah I’m in America now we do things this way.  We’re all people whether we do things one way or another.  All I’m supposed to do is love them.  I’m tired of writing things, so if you want more stories or what not; lets talk face to face.

I See a Light

Today I finished my classes.  Whoa. I survived.
Now I have a week and a day until I hop on a plane to America.
It's so weird that its December and its not cold, but its pretty nice.  I've grown to like the warmness, something I didn't think would happen.  We all know how I tend to complain about the heat. ha.  I am looking forward to winter though, I'm ready to have to wear a coat instead of having to wear shorts.  Anyways.

These past few months I've been learning lots on community development and I've learned some things. (I'll keep it short, if you want the long version, me you and chia is always an option)
1) Its a challenge.  Just because a theory looks real nice on a sheet of paper doesn't mean that it will actually work.   
How do you convince a family to start growing their own vegetables, because its more sustainable when they have always gone to the forest to find food?  Why take the time and money to grow food when the forest does it for them?  Personally I have no affective idea/way to tackle this question, which is a good thing since I'm not a development worker.
There are ways to develop a communities, it just takes patience and humble work.  It actually is good to not rush into things and pause and ask questions. 

2) I'm not called to development work overseas.  I would just make things worse for these people.  I'm not saying that westerners can't come over and help develop communities.  I believe that God has called people to do so and amazing things have happened.  But for me, working in my home country is ideal.  I know the issues and whats going on, so I should use my knowledge to help better my community.

Slacker

I haven't wrote one of these in awhile.  Whoops.

Time has for real been flying by fast, yesterday I was stepping off the plane thinking to myself what have I gotten myself into now?  Now I have less than 2 weeks in this country.  Its actually hard for my brain to grasp that its basically December and living in the tropics doesn't help my case at all.

When I think about the last four years of my life they have really flown by; I can't believe my college career is coming to an end.  I remember strolling around LTC (my community college back home) claiming I have four more years of school and I'm going to die.  My prediction might have slightly been off, but I still have another semester.


So I got distracted with looking at past photos and made you a special little treat.

p.s. you can see it better by clicking on it.

Shooting Stars and Contagious Smiles

This past weekend I went camping.  The first time camping since a friend died from a camping accident.  At first I was a little cautious about going, because I had no idea how my brain would handle it; but I knew I had to go instead of run away.

On this trip I received an ample amount of peace; something I wasn't expecting.  As I sat in the middle of the campground, soaking in nature in all its beauty, I saw that the last hours Janelle had in this life was a peaceful, beautiful moment.  She wasn't surrounded with fear or suffering, but with the wonders of nature and expecting to wake up the next morning to embrace our creators beautiful creation.  As I thought about it, I was kinda jealous of her.  She was loving life and living to the fullest and went to see Jesus without a care in the world. 

I was so blessed to know this girl for the little time I did.  She was the most loving and inviting person I've ever known.  We met during a friends reunion of friends for the summer and decided to do some star gazing.  I didn't even know her, yet she opened up her life and allowed me to join her that evening, where we then talked and giggled for hours.  After that night of ridiculousness, we decided we should most definitely be friends and do more things that summer.  We were only able to do a few things that together before she went to go see Jesus at the end of the summer.  I do wish I had more time to spend with her, but I am also extremely grateful for the few months I knew her.
I pray that I could have an ounce of this girls love and care.

Love of My Life, Good Luck Charms and Toilets

We all know I would basically die without my iPod, which may or may not be a good thing.

So the other night I plugged my it in to put some new songs on my iPod and the little sucker freezes on the connected screen and iTunes doesn't recognize it.  I wasn't too worried, because I thought I could just reset it and all would be right with the world, but nothing happened.  What I did to try to revive my love was pointless; it took me forever and nothing was working.  So I was coming to accept the fact that it had died and I'm just gonna have to listen to nature as I go to bed.  Plus it was really late and tired of trying to figure it out.  I tried one more time to reset it, thinking nothing would happen.  Then Jesus came in and saved my iPod!  I wanted to scream and run around like an idiot, but it was really late and figured everybody sleeping wouldn't appreciate it.  So I settled for getting my feelings "out" through twitter.

I would love to say I was calm during the whole process and thought the world would be good if my iPod did die.  If any of you saw my tweets know that.  During that whole playing "Dr." with my iPod, me and Jesus did some talking.  I hate admitting that I was all dear Jesus please fix the love of my life I know its just a machine but I love it.  But it happened. 
Side note: The one thing I really remember from Sunday school as a child was when my teacher asked when was the most times you talked to God and one of the students said "when you're on the toilet." 

Then as I went to bed after my iPod came to life I remembered the sermon I heard when I went to Denver last March.  About how we like to put Jesus in a box and there are four main ways we do it.  One of the ways to keep Jesus in a box is by only using him for when we need him to fix things.  The other night I used Jesus as a good luck charm.  Pulled him right out when my life wasn't what I wanted and pleaded with him to make everything "better."  I do this way to often and don't like that I do, but I'm always catching myself treating him like my "rabbit foot."  As I think about it, I would be pretty annoyed if I was Jesus.  I would be like girl please, don't just call me when something breaks.  Thankfully He's a pretty graceful guy and loves me even when I reach for him when life isn't what I want.  Its actually pretty pathetic I had to talk with Jesus, because of my iPod.  He's done some pretty great powerful things in this life, that deserves recognition and a deeper relationship.

Overall Cambodia

The main things I will take away from practicum.

One of the biggest lessons I learned in Cambodia was that Cambodia doesn't need me at all to help them make a better community.  If anything I feel like I was more of a bother instead of a help to these people.  They would never say that, but as I watched OREDA perform its work I wondered why on earth they even let us come and volunteer.  They were solving world hunger left and right in great strides, but they were making a difference in the local villages they were helping.  They knew the problems and were seeking out solutions. 

That I have my life made.  I'm not the richest person at all in the states, but I have and can do so much more than the people of Cambodia its ridiculous.  I can't tell you how many times talking with my interpreter she would say something along the lines of we would like to go out and do this or have that, but its too expensive.  Everything that she mentioned was something that I have done or do on a normal basis back in the states.

The love these people have.  I could try and write it down, but its one of those things you can't explain the best with out experiencing yourself. 

Lastly it gave me reassurance to work in the inner city after I graduate.  I still have no idea what is truly going down once I graduate.  Seeing that the best outcome usually comes from members of a community, it just makes since that I would take my criminal justice and social work skills to a place in need of the United States.

There is no Beauty in Fear

Memories are some of the most precious and beautiful things. Ever.   Too many times people loose sight of these wonderful blessings and miss out on a great part of life. This little fact is something I've had to learn as I went to college.  Before college I always wanted good memories, but I never wanted them to end.  For fear of that I would either run away from having a good memory at all or trying to make the memory last longer than what it should and not making it any better.  With this fear it was hard for me to always enjoy the moment and embrace everything full heartily.  The back of mind was filled with oh no this is going to end, then what am I going to do.

For those of you that know my freshman year of college, know that going in I had just dealt with numerous deaths of family, neighbors, friends and spiritual influences that would continue basically the whole year and ending with one of my best friends dying of brain cancer that summer.  It wasn't the easiest year and as I look back, the only way I say I survived through that time was through Jesus carrying me the whole way.  Long story short, I learned how important it is to just be present and not worry about whats going to happen once the moment ends.  To make memories with who you are with and cherish them. 

My four weeks in Cambodia reminded me of this wonderful lesson, that I easily can forget.  We can get so caught up in whats going to happen the next month that the current month we don't pay any attention, missing who knows what.  Its about the here and now in life.  Making the best of what you have and appreciating what you have. 

Granted I could get caught up in the fear that the people I spend time with and the opportunities I have will forever be gone.  But I don't find that beneficial at all/I haven't found it beneficial at all.  In the end, all it does is make you depressed and fear that your good times will be gone and there's nothing to do in life.  Which is far from the truth.  Your life might be different down the road, but at least you can look back at how incredible they were instead of being in fear of what changes might happen next.  And moving on in life doesn't mean your not going to make great memories, its usually the opposite. 

Cambodia was wonderful and I wouldn't mind visiting again one day, but until then I have the wonderful memories of fully embracing a new and beautiful culture.